I Know What It Feels Like
by Nightcrawlerlover
Summary: Oneshot. Takes place during the end of the episode Money For Nothing. Holly J's thoughts while she talks with Spinner.


**Hey there, my fellow readers and writers! I was watching the promo for the episode Money For Nothing from Season 8 of Degrassi on YouTube, which I think is very awesome, as well as very realistic, too. It was then that I got to wondering what was going through Holly J's mind while she was talking to Spinner at The Dot at the ending part of the episode. So this is what I cooked up. I hope you like it as much as I did writing it. :)**

**Disclaimer: The geniuses at The N and CTV own Degrassi. I own the oneshots, songfics and poems I cook up from time to time. **

I Know What It Feels Like

"_He that is thy friend indeed,  
He will help thee in thy need._

_If thou sorrow, he will weep;  
If thou wake, he cannot sleep._

_Thus of every grief in heart  
He with thee does bear a part._

_These are certain signs to know  
Faithful friend from flattering foe."_

**-William Shakespeare**

* * *

**Holly J's POV  
**

"I stole my best friend's MP3 player once."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing at first. Spinner – the Gavin "Spinner" Mason – actually committed a crime by stealing his best friend's MP3 player? He knew what it felt like to do something bad and not know why.. almost like me?

I was surprised. I had no idea until now, when he told me.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because," Spinner explained casually, "he had all this stuff, and _I_ didn't."

"See?" I said, knowing that we were both on the same page now. "Life is so unfair."

That was saying something. Before I had gotten into Degrassi Community School and met Spinner, I was very rich, and popular, as well as being the captain of the cheer chorale at my old school, Lakehurst High (which is now nothing more than a pile of ashes).

But now, life doesn't seem so good. A few days before, my mom told me that my father "made some risky investments" (her words, not mine), and as a result, lost all his money.

Then after I handed over my credit card, she then took a pair of scissors and cut it in half! I was so shocked. How could this happen, and to me of all people? I don't know.

But then, maybe having my own credit card symbolized my old charmed life – all the money I could want, shopping, and having cool clothes. And maybe it being cut in half symbolized my family going into our financial situation, me losing that life and having to go into a new one (working at The Dot that one night, until that idiot jerk Derek Haig caused me to get fired by making me lose my temper and pouring his milkshake on his head).

Wow. For someone who is the younger sister of Heather Sinclair, who was an infamous Queen Bee herself when she went to Degrassi Community School, I've certainly gotten to be pretty deep when it comes to being introspective.

But I don't know.

"Let me ask you something," said Spinner. Instantly his voice pulled me back into the moment. I perked up my ears, ready to listen.

"You got both parents?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

That was true. At least I still had my family – Mom, Dad, Heather, and my little brother, Zane.

Of course, Zane drives me crazy, like all little brothers are supposed to do with their older siblings. He's usually OK for a little brother. But sometimes he often tries to get into my things, read my private diary, and sometimes try to guilt me into letting him borrow money from me. Other than that, he's OK.

Hmm...maybe I should introduce him to Spinner sometime, see how they get along since they're both male.

Now I think to myself, "Now I know exactly how Heather must've felt whenever she would see me – her younger sister – trying to copy her – her style of dress, her hair styles, her way of talking."

But then I didn't think it was uncommon. After all, I had read that little sisters do try to copy their older sisters in everything. So I figured it was also probably that way with me.

"My dad died on me," Spinner then told me.

Oh, no. I had no idea. Spinner doesn't have a father anymore? That's so sad. I would be devastated if I found out my father had passed away.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I replied genuinely. And I meant it. The sad look in my blue eyes was also genuine; in that moment I felt bad for Spinner.

"Thanks," said Spinner. Then, after asking me if I ever had "ball cancer", to which I replied "no, not really", he told me that he did.

"And if I can get through all that, you can get through this."

He smiled as he spoke. I could tell from his smile that he had been through all kinds of battles and drama.

"Right," I replied.

And at last, I figured out that the problems he had in the past – his stealing from his best friend, the pain of losing his father to cancer, and having "ball cancer" himself – were small potatoes compared to what I was currently going through.

And somehow, deep down inside, I believed that Spinner was right about one thing.

If he could get through all those battles in the past, then I could get through this thing they call a "financial crisis". And so can my family.

I hope so, of course. Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that nothing – not even a so-called charmed life – lasts forever. And somehow I got the feeling that the poet Robert Frost was right when he wrote that poem, "Nothing Gold Can Stay".

_"Nature's first green is gold,  
Her hardest hue to hold.  
Her early leaf's a flower;  
But only so an hour.  
Then leaf subsides to leaf.  
So Eden sank to grief,  
So dawn goes down to day.  
Nothing gold can stay."_

* * *

**Well, I hope you liked reading this as much as I did typing it. After all, Holly J may be a complex character for some Degrassi fanfic writers, and a very easy one for others, but to me, she's pretty cool. Even though she may be catty and seem like she has it all together, the truth is that she is actually insecure and, deep down, really wants to be nice and friendly. **

**Spinner is a really cool guy too. I like how he told Holly J about his past when they were having their conversation at the end of Money For Nothing. He was older and wiser in that episode, and seemed to have matured from Season 4, when he used to be a bully, until the death of Rick Murray, who he bullied, the paralyzation of his friend Jimmy Brooks and being alienated from his friends (as well as meeting Darcy Edwards) opened up his eyes and made him grow up a little. **

**I like the Season 8 Spinner better, because he's learned from the mistakes he's made, and he knew exactly how Holly J felt after she realized she made a terrible mistake trashing Mia's personal life on the news. **

**Anyway, R&R, please! Nice reviews spur me to write more. **

**~Nightcrawlerlover**


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